Twilight Bites
By Savannah Henderson


I think one of the things that frustrates me most about Twilight is Edward's seemingly absolute and inexplicable perfection. Yes, I know, he's a vampire, and as such, is supposed to be the epitome of excellence and exquisiteness. This is not an excuse. In my opinion, Edward, being a main character in a book series, is obligated to have at least one major character flaw, and no, vampirism does not count. Not only are his incorruptible selflessness, kindness, and intelligence frustrating and grossly unrealistic, they are also some of the many traits that make him such a dull character. Another reason I dislike Twilight is the character Bella Swan.

Isabella Swan represents everything I hate in this world. Not really. But she is annoying.

Consciously or subconsciously, when Stephenie Meyer created the character Bella, she also created a blatant attack on both feminism and female independence. For example, when Bella was accepted to Dartmouth, one of the best colleges in the country, she stoutly refused , in favor of turning into a vampire. Her excuse? She was afraid of aging, and looking older than her 17-year-old boyfriend. Another example of Bella's complete codependence and spinelessness? She allowed her boyfriend to pressure her into marriage, despite the fact that she did not want to marry him, and that she knew her parents wouldn't approve. So instead of standing up for herself, she conceded, and married her boyfriend at the ripe old age of eighteen. Her mother and father were both inexplicably supportive of this decision, although they had spent the first eighteen years of her life discouraging her from doing exactly that. Unfortunately, everything seemed to work out perfectly.

Then, although they knew that Edward could crush her to death as easily as I could tear a tissue in half, and that every one of his bodily excretions, from his tears to his saliva (which really makes me question the wisdom of their copious frenching throughout the series) Bella and Edward decided it would be a good idea to practice unsafe sex.

And of course, Bella Swan ends up pregnant. At eighteen. With a baby that will probably kill her. And she's happy about it. Way to go, Stephenie Meyer, you've got feminism spewing out of your ears.

Of course, we all remember what Happened in New Moon. When, after Edward left Bella, she almost literally fell apart. She did not try to pull herself together. She did not try to move on. She did not try to acquire any semblance of independence or self-confidence. Instead she sat there wallowing in her own self-pity and ignoring the advances of Jacob Black, the only decent character that Stephenie Meyer managed to create.

Instead, she decided to partake in dangerous, irresponsible, and quasi-suicidal behavior, just so she could hallucinate hearing Edward's voice.

Afterward, when Edward reentered the picture, she literally leapt into his arms. Never mind the fact that he left her, and refused to contact her for a year. He was instantaneously and absolutely forgiven. The fact that he ruined her life for nearly a year? Never again mentioned by Bella for the entire series.

I don't like Twilight because it not only allows, but takes delight in Bella's weakness, how pathetic she is, and how spineless. Edward is an uninteresting and two-dimensional character, the writing is over-embellished and mediocre, and the plot is all but non-existent.

I don't like Twilight because it's misogynistic.

I don't like Twilight because it's overrated.

I don't like Twilight because it's a waste of paper, and I don't like Twilight because I think it's lame. I don't care when people say that they like, or even love Twilight, but I can't stand it when they say it's good. This book is second rate at best, sexist, and says all the wrong things about a women's role in a relationship, and presents it in the lamest way imaginable.

And for these reasons, I can say with complete and utter confidence, that Twilight bites.

The Great Twilight Debate

Twilight: Just No

By Matt Steege

Twilight is, to put it simply, bad. I won’t be talking about my issues with materials, about how vampires “glitter” or how it lacks all the elements of a good story. I will talk about how she uses those materials. Some people enjoy Twilight very much, and there is nothing wrong with liking a book. However, there are many reasons that I find Twilight lacking. Foremost among these is the behavior of the vampire Edward. Anyone who has read and enjoyed Twilight is either an Edward fan or a Jacob fan. Vampire or werewolf, these people stand by their choices. Edward is the one who bothers me the most. He is dangerous. I don’t mean because he’s a vampire, though that is a bit of an issue. I mean that, were he a real, normal person, he would probably be considered a stalker. He literally sneaks into his “love” Bella’s room at night to watch her sleep! I put the word “love” in quotations because I find it to be more slavish devotion on Bella’s part than an emotional bond between the two of them. Bella is willing to sacrifice everything for Edward. The only thing in her life that matters to her appears to be Edward, and she’s only seventeen at the start of the series! She is under heavy influence from hormones, and seems incapable of making good decisions. The path she is on is one to self-destruction. However, in all honesty, she has little personality to lose. She is a hollow shell for teenage girls to project themselves onto. You’ll also notice that Edward is never really described in his appearance. He, too, is an empty character for girls to project their dream man onto. I can’t even say that their personalities are in-depth enough to have flaws. Perfection is an awful trait in a character. It’s unrealistic and, more important in this type of writing, boring. To be fair, perhaps this wasn’t an attempt at a “put-yourself-in-her-shoes” story. Perhaps Stephanie Meyer’s writing just isn’t, well, good enough to depict things clearly. Her constant, whining repetitions in Bella’s voice of “he’s so gorgeous” reiterate the fact that Meyer some problems with adjectives.

Surely though, it must have some redeeming qualities to become such a sensation! After all, so many people like it, it has to be pretty good. However, I think I can rather easily explain a good deal of its fame with two words: Harry Potter. Once the Harry Potter series was done, a void was left. “What will we read now?” cried teens. “What will we sell now?” cried advertisers. There was nothing left! It must be remembered, though, that nature abhors a vacuum. So the gap was filled. Twilight had gone from being “that book on the shelves near Harry Potter no one cares about” to being the greatest love story since “Romeo and Juliet” in next to no time at all.

The most dangerous thing about this book, however, is how many people look at Bella and Edward as “the ideal relationship.” So happy, so perfect, so unbelievably misogynistic I want to scream. Bella lets Edward into her house, gives up everything for him, and trusts him not to take advantage of her in her emotionally weakened state? In reality, you can’t trust the first person you see, think is gorgeous, and “fall in love with.” Bella also seems physically incapable of doing anything herself. After all, Edward can do it for her. In the end, this book is the most depressing and sexist book I’ve ever read. Stephanie Meyer: taking a leap back to the year 1800! I can only hope the next great sensation is better than this one.